Euro 2000 - Let the jokes begin!

[WhipLash]

Sorry if this offends anyone, but its all only lighthearted fun...enjoy :)

Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.

Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: What's the difference between an airfix model with no adhesive and Phil Neville.
A: One's a glueless kit.

Oxo were going to bring out a Euro 2000 commemorative cube painted red and white in honour of the England squad. But it was a laughing stock and crumbled in the box.


<IMG SRC="http://eforecourt.com/images/Twa1.jpg" border=0>

I don't know if these mpeg's will work, but try 'em out anyways...

Portugal Vs England 1-2 (http://eforecourt.com/images/por-eng1-2.mpeg)
Portugal Vs England 2-2 (http://eforecourt.com/images/por-eng2-2.mpeg)
Portugal Vs England 3-2 (http://eforecourt.com/images/por-eng3-2.mpeg)

[Junior]

50 degrees-
New Yorkers turn on the heat.
People in Ireland plant gardens.

40 degrees-
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Ireland sunbathe.

35 degrees-
Italian cars won't start.
People in Ireland drive with the windows down.

20 degrees-
Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Ireland throw on a T-shirt.

15 degrees-
Californians begin to evacuate the state.
People in Ireland go swimming.

Zero degrees-
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Ireland have the last bbq before it gets cold.

10 degrees below zero-
People in Miami cease to exist.
People in Ireland lick flagpoles.

20 degrees below zero-
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Ireland throw on a light jacket.

80 degrees below zero-
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
rish Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold
enough.

100 degrees below zero-
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Ireland pull down their ear flaps.

173 degrees below zero-
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
People in Ireland get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.

297 degrees below zero-
Microbial life starts to disappear.
Irish sheep complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 degrees below zero-
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Ireland start saying "chilly, isn't it boy?"

500 degrees below zero-
Hell freezes over.
England win Euro Championship.